I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
