tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
