if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
