I met the friendliest cop last night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
