I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
