I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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