Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
