my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
