So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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