FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
