So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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