I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
