Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
