Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
