I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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