the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
