Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
