I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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