another moral hangover. fuck.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
