She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
