i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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