We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
