I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
