Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
