why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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