u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
