im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
