if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
