dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
