he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
