I am midnight drunk by noon
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
