We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
