i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
