my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
