grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
