new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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