The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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