I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
