Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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