Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Someone signed my nipple.
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