I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
