Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
