Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
