I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
