you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
