You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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