whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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