everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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