I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize