You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dicks are not precious.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
