he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Come share oat with me in your robe
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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