i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
