Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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