remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
