some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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