no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Randomize
