how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
