are you still at the devil's house?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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