new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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