I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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