Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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