I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
