If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize