I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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