yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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