It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize