Four minutes until I can fart!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize