I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
