big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
