she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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