Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
