i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
