In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
