I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize