I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
