I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
