My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
