I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize