If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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