I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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