Who wears a wallet chain?!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize